A Pensive Mind

Discussion on what should be done regarding Iran's nuclear ambitions has made the slow but predictable turn to UN sanctions. This has been the standard response to rouge states since the end of WWII. However I think that it is time that we take a long and concerted look at the gains, consiquences, and real effects of sanctions as a mechanism for regime and policy change.

The underlying intent of economic sanctions on a foreign nation is to deprive them of economic derived from trade. It is believed that this loss of money, tax revenues, and injury to the lifestyle of the population will cause the errant government to submit on any number of policy issues. However this belief is based on several assumptions.

The first assumption is that governments upon who the United States places sanctions upon are accountable to their populations as is the case in functional liberal democracies (classical liberal as opposed to Democrat liberal). Iran is not a liberal democracy. It claims to be an "Islamic Democracy", while in fact it more closely resembles a fascist state. All candidates are vetted by a non-elected and ideologically radical supreme council. This ensures that all candidates are willing to toe the government line before they have the opportunity to be elected. Clearly this does not create a government that is at risk of being unseated by through popular demand.

Second is the assumption that sanctions will actually harm the economies of the target nation. In many cases this does hold true. The American embargo of Cuba has drastically changed the condition of their economy. However the destitution of the the general population only serves to make them more dependent on their government, and gives the government to cast the United States as the cause of their hardship and poverty. In this case those who make up the government feel no effect, the innocent suffer, repression increases, and U.S. policy objectives are not met.

The alternate case is that sanctions do not severely handicap the target nation. This condition most likely arises in cases where the nation is rich in natural resources. Iran is one of these nations. Iran currently has the third largest reserve of oil in the world. (http://www.eia.doe.gov/emeu/international/oilreserves.html) Historically the United States could rely on the fact that as the largest consumer of oil in the world in order to add strength to our sanctions. However today China's need for energy has been growing an astonishing rate. The Department of Energy states:

"China’s petroleum imports are expected to grow fourfold from 2003 to 2030, with much of the increase coming from Persian Gulf suppliers. In 2003, China imported 0.9 million barrels per day of oil from Persian Gulf OPEC members, and in 2030 its Persian Gulf imports total 5.8 million barrels per day. The rising dependence of China on Middle Eastern oil supplies has geopolitical implications both for relations between the two regions and for the oil-consuming world as a whole. "

China currently (18Sept06) is indicating that it wishes to avoid sanctions against Iran (http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?type=topNews&storyID=2006-09-17T073858Z_01_PEK206149_RTRUKOC_0_UK-CHINA-IRAN.xml) and their veto power on the Security Council allows them to ensure that they do not come into effect. Under those conditions even if the United States and the European Union were to emplace sanctions the situation would be similar to what occurred in South Africa while under sanctions for apartheid. During the time period from 1986 to 1989 the South African economy actually grew at an annual rate of 2.7% (Pg. 5, http://www.fwdklerk.org.za/download_speech/04_06_14_DWS_Institut_Choiseul_S_PDF.pdf).

Certainly it would be safe to estimate that the United States sanctions in conjunction with the European Union would handicap the Iranian economy. We are however living in a dream world if we believe that it will bring it to a stop. Once again it should be reasserted that such pains will not be felt by the ruling elite, they will be passed wholesale to the common man, with value added blame for the United States.

These things considered we can assess with reasonable confidence that the United States will not accomplish its policy goals by leveling sanctions on Iran. It will lead to a more entrenched Iranian government. There will be overt economic benefit to China. Most importantly it will not entice the Iranian government to stop their pursuit of nuclear technology, either peaceful or weapon related.

Ultimately this leaves us with the question of what can be done regarding Iran. I will propose that the solution lies partially in how we address what the problem is. What I fear is a nuclear armed Iran with cause to use nuclear weapons. It may be to late to stop the possibility of a nuclear Iran, perhaps we must therefore address means by which we can reduce their desire to use nuclear weapons. More than anything this will require open and honest conversation with Iran. The real tension is between the United States and Iran, but neither country talks directly to each other. Progress will require the intercourse of ideas, and the conversation should start with questions like, "Is there anything we can do to help you?", "What can you do to help reassure us that you will be a responsible nuclear nation?"

We can be sure that there will be a lot of rhetoric on both sides of the table, but if the conversation goes on long enough and the men who conduct it are visionary, knowledgeable and suitably free from overt political goals, we might just find enough understanding to reach a mutual solution.

I just got back from watching V for Vendetta, and I must say it was superb. It brings up some really cool questions about fear and about how it can be used to manipulate you. People think about fear in the context of terrorism all the time but it is not that frequently that we think about how that fear is used against us by more than just terrorists. I have thought about it and discussed it with some friends and I have a hard time thinking of one thing that has really fundamentally changed about my life since 9-11 except for the pervasion of fear in everyone’s lives.

We talk about terrorism all the time, we fear its actions, we wax rhetorically about fighting it but the vast majority of Americans have not really been touched by it. Members of the military have seen it first hand, the brave people who have gone in to trouble countries to try and bring hope have seen it, and politicians have exploited it. Ask yourself however have you altered your daily routine? Did you brush up on your life saving skills, learn self defense, perhaps purchase and learn the safe operation of a fire arm? I'm guessing you have not, and I'm guessing that most people haven't.

So make a commitment, don't live in fear. Instead live with a prudent mind for the consequences of your actions, and make every effort to be act in a manner that is morally consistent with what you believe.

I just finished reading No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam by Reza Aslan and it was one of the most elucidating things that I have read in several months. The conflict between Muslims and Western society is everywhere in today's world but I feel that most of us have almost no understanding of what Islam is, this book does a fantastic explaining it. It starts by explaining the story of Muhammad's revelation and the formation of the Muslim community in Mecca and Medina. Then moves on to the formation of the Muslim religion after the death of Muhammad. It explains the origins and differences between Shi'ite and Sunni, explains what Sufi mysticism is (generally). It also gives a history of the various Islamic political movements that arose out of the colonial interactions with the West. I would absolutely recomend that every one read this book.

Below are some quotes that I found particularly poignant:

“Religion, it must be understood, is not faith. Religion is the story of faith. It is an institutionalized system of symbols and metaphors (read rituals and myths) that provides a common language with which a community of faith can share with each other their numinous encounter with the Divine Presence. Religion is concerned not with genuine history, but with sacred history, which does not course through time like a river. Rather, sacred history is like a hallowed tree whose roots dig deep into primordial time and whose branches weave in and out of genuine history with little concern for the boundaries of space and time. Indeed, it is precisely at those moments when sacred and genuine history collide that religions are born. The clash of monotheisms occurs when faith, which is mysterious and ineffable and which eschews all categorizations, becomes entangled in the gnarled branches of religion.” (Prologue XVII)


"You are my breath,
My hope,
My Companion,
My craving,
My abundant wealth.
Without You - my Live, my Love -
I would never have wandered across these endless countries...
I look every where for Your love-
Then I am suddenly filled with it.
O Captain of my Heart,
Radiant Eye of Yearning in my breast,
I will never be free from You
As long as I live.
Be satisfied with me, Love,
And I am satisfied"

(The above is actually a quotation of poetry by Rabia of Basra, a Sufi poet. I found the entire discussion of Sufism to be most engaging)

"...despite the the blatant religious rhetoric resonating throughout the halls of governemnts, there is one thing that cannot be overemphasized. What is taking place now in the Muslim world is an internal conflict between Muslims, not an external battle between Islam and the West. The West is merely a bystander- an unwary yet complicated casualty of a rivalry that is raging in Islam, over who will write the next chapter in its story." (248)


"It is pluralism, not secularism, that defines democracy. A democratic state can be established upon any normative moral framework as long as pluralism remains the source of its legitimacy." (262)

I would like an IPod. Next quarter I'm going to spend an inordinate amount of time in a computer lab, doing painful experiments. I would find it reliving to be able to listen to the soothing tunes that I so love. But I am both cheap and a collage student (by extension I don't have a lot of cash), so I'm not going to buy one on my own. Thankfully, there is a way to get them for free.

Any one who is willing to click on this link: http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=26703871 and complete one of the offers would have my greatest thanks. There are several offers here that are completely free. You sign up for them, and then you can cancel them a couple of days later, I get the credit and you pay no money. I know this sounds gimiky but I know someone who has done it and it does actually work.

Additionally I'll reimburse anyone who gets stuck with charges up to $20. Mind you your going to have to warn me, and I am going to have to know you personally for that to apply (although I doubt there are many people who read this that I don't know personally).

Many thanks for your help,
Andy

I just wanted to note two things that have taken me by size in the past couple days.

1. I didn't expect to be able to wear sunglasses and go to class in a sweatshirt today. It's January, I'm a little confused.
2. Matisyahu...a hasidic jewish, regee raper, who kicks a lot of ass. I'm not usually a fan of hip hop or rap, but this guy kicks some ass.

-Andy

Here's a new years resolution that I encourage every one to take up.

Don't watch the news. That's right don't watch it. Why you might ask? I'll tell you. They are incompetent. Tonight I turned on the NBC evening news hoping to get a recap of the important news of the day. I should have known better.

I'm an informed person, I keep up on world events so I knew some of the things that I wanted to hear about:

• The Abramoff Plea deal


• Ariel Sharon's Stroke


• Iraq

What did I get?

As the lead story I got two stories on the very unfortunate death of 12 coal miners. Now before you call me cold and callus, I feel deeply for those men and their families, especially after they had spent 3 joyous hours believing that they lived. It is quite possibly the most tragic stories I have heard in a long time.

But let us be honest, the deaths of 12 men in a small town, in an industrial accident from an incredibly dangerous profession is likely not the most important thing that has happened in the world to day. Furthermore the story was really only of great interest because of the fact that the information was misreported, first by local officials, but then largely by the media (24 hour news networks, news papers, Internet outlets, et al.)

While this may sound a little coincided but I feel the stories I was looking for may be the events on which the world will turn on in the coming months. And I think that people should feel robbed by the fact that the media decided that it was their job to fill a sensational desire over fulfill a responsibility to provide useful information.

So we come back to an old gripe of mine. The biggest problem with the media is not Bias. The biggest problem they face is incompetence. More often then not I see the media diving for the sensational byline in order to draw a crowd to their commercials, rather than providing the information that will matter in people's lives. I feel broadcast media is most guilty of this, simply because they can only say one thing at one time over the airways, print is a little better but not perfect because it is slower in creation and delivery.

You might ask, what about the 24 hour news networks? They have plenty of time to report on anything they like. Very true, they have plenty of time on their hands, quite possibly to much time on their hands. They have so much time on their hands to cover things like mining accidents in west virginia and they have so little information to put out that they spend 20 hours a day standing around waiting for more facts to come out. While they wait the just talk, they don't report, they vamp and pander scraps of data tidbits as information.

A normal sane person does not have time to sit and listen to the news all day. If we did we wouldn't pay people to gather it for us and give it to us in a concise matter, with their expert opinion on how those individual pieces of data come together to form a coherent picture, and tell us what it is going to mean for us. That's right, I watch the news in order to find out what happened in the world and how it effects me. A small accident in a coal mine in West Virginia is not going to effect me. Their story may sadden my heart, but it won't change my life.

A major scandal that may reshape the political landscape of the country, will effect me.

Ariel Sharon having a stroke at a pivotal time in the recent history one of the most politically and ideologically important places in the world, will effect me.

Iraq, the major battle front against terrorism, will effect me.

These are the things I want to know about when I watch the news.

So make a new years resolution.

If you want to be informed read the news, from several sources. I suggest http://news.google.com for doing just that.

Peace

For me to look at the color red
is to look at a the memory
of a lover I had, once.

We still talk, when we have time.
But time is hard to find when your so far apart
life overwhelms you and takes those conversations
you don't think to have.

At least I always have plesant conversations
with the color red.

I'm restless. I seem to go through this often, but I feel like I've just got to much time and not enough to do. There are things I could do, to fill the time, but none of it holds my attention. It's really frustrating, I almost want to get my job at Resnet back so that I can have something to do with my time, but I think that would just frustrate me, all frustration and no satisfaction.

Maybe that's what I'm missing, satisfaction. Thinking quickly back I can't think of something that I've done this academic year that I would classify as truly satisfying. ROTC and Classes keep me busy, but you can only do so many push-ups before it becomes redundent. I feel like I'm going through the motions of life without savoring it.

It makes me look forward to Christmas and time with Joe, Shannon, and Elwin. I think they are the perfect friends because we never really "do" anything, and so when we hang out there is nothing to do but savor the company and the moment. Perhaps that's what I missing here, I feel like I hang out with people for a purpose rather than for the pleasure of it.

Perhaps in the end I'm just ranting, in the end only God will know, seeing as I don't think he reads this publication....I'm going to shut up.



P.S. Yha I'm back at live journal, I don't think any one has read a thing I wrote over at the Blogger blog (http://anortrup.blogspot.com) oh well.

So Check it,

I'm moving this blog to here: http://anortrup.blogspot.come

Why you might ask?

1. Picasa + Hello + Blogger = Easily post pictures.

2. Customizability. I can customize anything in the look of the blog.

3. Better spell checker.

4. Google owns it...and that's just cool.

So book mark it do what you want, I'll be linking to any one currently on my friends list.

-Andy

So I've been thinking it over and this has been by far the strangest quarter I have had at RIT and quite possibly the strangest 10 weeks of my life. Never have I managed to foul things up, almost fix them up, foul them up again and then come back to the place where it all began in such a short time. Normaly to mess things up this well I normaly need like a year. So Good riddence, I've had a decent time with most of it but I am not sad to see this quarter go.

Things I can however look forward to:

Summer time. Hanging out with all my friends in all the places we grew up in. I think it will be extreamly recuprative.

Work. I'm being hired as an intern by Kennebunk Savings Bank (eternal thanks to Andrew Thompson), I'm very excited it will be the first time I'll have the opportunity to work in a real IT department. So far in life my IT work has been a hodgpodge of things I've made up, I'm looking forward to this a lot.

England. Going to Great Britton to train with their Army cadets is going to kick ass. Everything that I've heard about this really makes me think that it is going to be a fantastic time.

But for now I think I'm going to relax and pack a little.

-Out

So last night I get the following email:

hey nurtrup-
so here's a long story short. i was telling a friend of mine about how rit is a wired campus, and we're trying see how quickly you'd respond to this. she doesn't believe me when i tell her e-mails get sent really quickly. anyway, you can e-mail her back (GiJess2003 @wmconnect.com), since i'm trying to prove a point to her, she's mad nice, and cool. i promise it's a stupid bet! anyway, i'll see you @ class in the morning!

-sonia


Now Sonia is a girl in my Military Science class, who is allright but I can't say I would choose to hang out with her on the weekends. I feel in a good mood so I choose to oblige her and shoot an email back. The following series of emails then occur between myself and this unamed third person:

Her:
lol-wow-she wins yet another bet-no fair! and why are ya'll so connected to the internet-do you have some sort of weird chip implant or something that alerts you when you have a new e-mail?

Me:
Yha, I just have my email client open….tells me right when they come in.

Her:
so, i hear you do RC [Ranger Challange]? good stuff-ever competed with NGCSU [North Georgia State University] with the RC thing?

Me:
No the only competition we do is in the fall against all the other school in the Brigade. So it’s all North – Eastern Schools.

Her:
thats a damn shame-doesn't give my froggy buddies a chance to kick ya'lls ass

Me:
I think you would find the two time Brigade Champs a rather serious challenge. We don’t just win….we destroy the competition.

Her:
i'm sure we would, but i'm also sure you'll forgive me for being a little bit biased towards mi escuela. actually i don't think our RC is as good as it used to be b/c a lot of our good ppl. were deployed.


Me:
Well that is sort of the turn of events in collage sports….esepcialy with the military. But as delightful as this conversation has been I must get some sleep. Long day tomorrow and a PT Test on Wednesday.


Her:
are you ripped? i hear (and know from experience) that rc people are ripped?


Pause...WTF?

Insert conversation with Shannon:
(01:52:30) Andy: Okay complete change of topic.
(01:52:37) ATrainInVain: haha bring it :)
(01:53:09) Andy: [Insert Original Email Here]

(01:53:32) Andy: I respond just as it comes in to prove that yes at RIT we are geeks.
(01:54:00) Andy: a sereis of 1 line emails are exchanged between myself and Sonia's unnamed friend.
(01:54:15) ATrainInVain: haha ummm ok
(01:54:16) Andy: ending with this one:

are you ripped? i hear (and know from experience) that rc people are ripped?
(01:54:23) ATrainInVain: oh honestly
(01:54:29) Andy: and I'm like what the fuck.
(01:54:49) Andy: I don't know how I should respond to that.
(01:55:04) ATrainInVain: eh
(01:55:06) ATrainInVain: just ignore it
(01:55:21) Andy: gahh she just sent me another one.....

going so soon? i was having fun making a new online friend.
(01:55:26) ATrainInVain: or play and tell her to find out herself :) but thats only if youre feelin skeezy
(01:55:28) ATrainInVain: weird
(01:55:30) Andy: what the fuck I said I was going to bed.
(01:55:34) ATrainInVain: very werid
(01:55:47) Andy: fuck it ... I'm screwing with this girl.

All I can say is Jesus Christ people are strange.

-Andy

So my video card is broken. Not so broken that I can't use my computer, just borken enough that I can't play games. I realized this today, and I'm pretty sure that it's been broken since I added a hard drive to the computer at the end of winter break. This made me realize that perhaps I don't game as much as I used to, because this is the first time that I've had the time or desire to actualy game at all. I wasn't even all the depressed. And I feel almost no compulsion to go by one. Very strange, there were times not to long ago (last year) that I would have been sent into an absolute panick to go get a new one.

Oh well, 200 bucks I'm not going to spend right now.

That is all,
Andy

Alright, I think I remember why I'm getting a little fed up with religion, because there are so many blind stupid people. I've been reading about the Kansas School Board hearings on Darwinism, and I'm livid. These people who are pushing "Inteligent Design" are trying to take sciene back to pre-renisance days where the Bible was the unquestioned authority of how the universe was created.

I will admit I agree with them on one point. I belive there is a God, and that He created everything. The absolute complexity of the Universe around us makes it very hard for me to fathom everything occuring through random chance. However, might it be that the Big Bang, and Evolution are some of the tools that God used to create the Universe? Might God use a tool a little more subtle then a flash of light and a loud noise to maintain a system as complicated and balanced as the world in which we live?

While I respect that these people have much faith and likely believe very much in the Bible what is written in Genesis. However I think if we look it over, there was no one around to really document what happened for at least the first couple days, even by their account. Even after that the story of creation was kept in oral tradition for thousands of years before it was written down. It is "scientific" methodologies like this that had people believing that men had one less rib because God took one and created women from it.

Furthermore as much as I can piece together Intelligent Design activists argue that there are holes in evolution and therefore it may not be correct. However when in the public eye they are careful only to say that they are trying to keep an open mind in Science. They do not to mention that their purposed alternative is "Intelligent Design" a really nice term for creationism.

But I think that most scientists will agree that yes evolution is a "theory" and could be proven wrong. However evolution isa a theory that is backed by a large body of evidence. In my readings I have seen very little evidence presented by the promoters of intelligent design other than to say there are things that can not be explained by evolution and that they believe in the Bible.

Think of DNA for a moment 50 years ago we did not understand it. There were people who were beginning to grasp that it existed. Now we know the mechanics of how it works, we have sequenced it, and are beginning to understand what it really does. Just because we don't yet understand all of it does not mean that it is unexplainable, just that we have not reached full understanding yet.

I could keep ranting but I don't think that I would say anything else intelligent.

The U.S. Army and Marines have stated that they have missed their recruitment goals for the month of April. This marks the 3rd straight month that the Army has fallen short of their recruitment goals and the 4th month that the Marines have missed their targeted numbers. The Army not only lapsed in its goals for the active duty Army but also for the National Guard and Reserves.
A report by the Pentagon, released by the Congress in early May, states that current operations in Iraq and Afghanistan put a significant strain on U.S. military power. The report continues to say that if the military were forced to engage in any additional conflicts, they will succeed but at a higher cost in terms of time, men and material.

This information forces us to ask two very important questions. First is the question of why the U.S. Military is committed overseas to the point of being unable to effectively handle developing situations? The simple answer is that the American people required them to. After the attacks of September 11th, the American people would not tolerate Afghanistan remaining as a stronghold for Al Qaeda and the Taliban. While the American invasion of Iraq has some questionable motivations and justifications, the re-election of President Bush is a clear affirmation by the American people that they support the continued U.S. military presence in Iraq.

Our second question is why, if the American people are so strongly in support the current engagements, is the military having such a difficult time filling its ranks? One explanation is that United States is hooked on what Northwestern University sociologist Charles Moskos refers to as “patriotism-lite”. The American people are very patriotic but are unwilling to sacrifice to support their country.

The people of the United States must therefore consider how they wish to fight the War on Terrorism. If the trends in military recruiting continue and the government continues to fight terrorism with prolonged military engagements away from home, then the country is going to risk both losing the war on terrorism and becoming vulnerable at home and abroad. The people of the United States must begin to understand that war and patriotism mean more than a magnet on their car and a flag pin on their lapel; it must translate into action. If they do not, then there are two solutions.

The first alternative is the draft. If the people demand military action but are not willing to volunteer, then the draft is the only feasible way of fulfilling the nation’s goals. The return of the draft would be an incredible sacrifice to the nation. The current all- volunteer force is the most professional, dedicated and best trained, because every member has chosen to serve. The draft will create a larger military but at the cost of some of the quality that we have come to expect.

The second alternative is to find a way to fight the War on Terrorism that depends less on our military. This would mean a policy shift to one that relies less on military engagement and more political and economic carrots and sticks. It would also mean that if we must be involved militarily, we must work more closely with our allies to provide the needed troops.

In conclusion, the United States must decide how it wishes to fight the war on terrorism. We must either be able to convert patriotism into action, face the draft or rethink how we fight this war.

So yha...been a couple weeks hasn’t it. It's not that I don't like you all I've just been so busy I haven't had time to sleep, breath, think, do homework, pay attention to anything, study, update live journal. But today no training!!!! And I am happy.

Two weeks from the competition at West Point so I'm very excited about that, just because that means all this training will be over. I have a good time an all but I'm tired of getting up every morning at 5:30 for PT. But oh well these are the things I volunteer for.

FTX (Field Training Exercise) this weekend down in PA, hopefully that will be a good time and not wet and nasty. Forecast looks like rain Thursday and Sunday but oh well. We'll be doing a lot of stuff including land navigation, tank simulators, a ropes course kind of thing and lots of other Army goodness.

Last night was Military Ball. I had the pleasure of escorting a gorgeous woman and we had a fantastic time. I'll post pictures as soon as I have them to put up somewhere.

We had a retired 2 Star General who came in to speak. He had some really good points. I've felt very confident in my decision to serve this country as a member of the armed services but every once and a while someone says something that really reinforces that. last night was one of them. I walked away from that evening really feeling good about my decision.

So there you go...an update.

So it's midterms season at RIT, timed exactly to meet the nice weather so that by the time that it is finnaly nice outside you have no option of going there.

I took my first test yesterday and it was for Internetworking Lab, which is a dry course to begin with. The test was 87 questions. 65 of those questions were true or false. Now I know that statisticly that makes my odds on the test really good but for the love of Pete that is a very strange midterm.

So I've got another 2 tests next week, a presentation, a lab practical, a military ball and no sleep...it's gonna be exciting.

-Andy

So things that are easy to forget about at collage thing:
-Daylight savings time. I went to go to church like a good boy today walked into the building 5 minutes early for the 10:00 mass only to find them serving communion. Strangly enough it didn't dawn on me what was going on untill about 15 minutes before I was supposed to go to work. So no real tragedies, but a couple close calls.

Secondly I heard a profound statement on a wrangler jeans comercial.

It takes 20 years to make a man. It takes about 20 seconds for a woman to turn him into a fool.

I would say that sums up a better part of the highlights of my social relations.

-Andy

I don’t really know why I’m writing this at the moment because I don’t really have words to grasp what I want to say.

Brian left today to go down to his 38A (Civil Affairs Specialist) School so that the can deploy to Iraq. I’ve only known Brian since the beginning of the year but we have been fast friends for all of it. He is an incredible person; few people I know will give so completely of themselves to their friends. If any one can help win the war in Iraq it is people like Brian. Smart, believes in the cause but isn’t blinded by the rhetoric.

But now he’s gone, I think he’ll be back in a few weeks, but this is definitely the first step of him going away. My mind is numb on so many levels of him going away. First life is going to be quiet round here, Brian is definitely the outgoing one amongst us. Second I’m still trying to wrap myself around the fact that he’s going to Iraq for at least a year, maybe more. That in itself brings up a host of other issues, like the fact that it is a dangerous place out there, he’s going to be doing dangerous work, I don’t even want to pursue the rest of that thought because it steels my heart just thinking about it. On the other hand I have my suspicions that Brian may enjoy enlisted life so much that he just stays there. Under those conditions I don’t know that we’ll ever really do more than trade letters.

So the question is how do you say goodbye to someone who you prey to God that you will see again in 9 to 18 months but at the same time accept that you might never see him again. Right now there is just a void in my brain, and the fear that somehow we’ll just loose track of each other.

I apologize for not updating recently, if you've talked to me you might know that my life has been a clinical case of insanity recently. I'm running most days from 5:30 in the morning to way to late at night, with homework, classes, and far to much physical activity in the middle. The commitment to the being on the Sandhurst team is somehow much larger than I had originally thought it would be. I really just can't get past the feeling that I'm spending every waking moment trying to catch up with myself. It is most frustrating. I wish I had a more exciting story to tell but every day seems to be a collection of get up early, work out or do classroom work for Sandhurst then stumble half-asleep through the rest of the day. I stumble into bed late at night, to get up and do it again.

I know that it's only week 3 but I long for this quarter to be over already, I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to do this for the next 7 weeks. I'm sure I'll find a way but I don't think it's going to be pleasant or restful.

On an incredibly more somber note. I wish to offer two pieces of advice that I've been recently reminded of.

1. The greatest of harm can result from the best intentions. Kindness and good intentions can sometimes lead to horrible things.

2. Passion rules reason. People will let their feelings get in place of what is right or wrong.

I forgot these two things for about 3 weeks and I hurt someone that I care for very much. I had known her for sometime and one night things seemed to come together perfectly, and it felt like something that I had not felt in a long time. From that point I started falling and I guess that I believed she was falling with me.

I knew that she was coming out of a rough relationship, in fact I would go so far as to quantify several parts of it as abusive. That bothered me because I have a rather firm understanding of how I think that people should treat each other in a relationship. This is where I ran into trouble.

First I let passion rule reason; I wanted so dearly to be in a relationship again that I failed to recognize the signs of what was going on as well as the direct words to my face. Everyone told me that the time was not right, that she needed time and space. But I knew what I felt, and I let that override what was right and true.

It even sounded reasonable at the time. I knew myself to be the better man, I knew in my heart that I could show her the way that it was supposed to be. Sometimes the best intentions have the worst consequences.

All I can say is be careful my friends, I hurt a woman I care for deeply, and now there is a fire in my mind that I can neither feed nor extinguish.

any one who went to high school might appreciate this, I stumbled upon the minutes...
http://forwhatevr.linuxfrenzy.net/minutes.htm

Damn we were strange in high school...but come to think of it I'm not sure how much better we are now.

-Andy